Being Open and Soft

Being Open and Soft

I recently had a family funeral and took my husband and young children along. We traveled back to my hometown to say goodbye to a woman who we all loved.  By now, we have returned to Oakland CA and the normal rhythm of things. But I am realizing more and more upon our return that her perspective on life, despite all of the very difficult times, really was living in integrity to her one central value.

What is that simple life value? To live a life that is oriented around loving the people who are near to you.

For my great aunt, that meant her neighbors on her street, children, grandchildren, and the few close friends that they had known since their early marriage. She sacrificed for them in grand ways (making quilts for big occasions) and small ways (a hug every time you entered her home).

I always sensed from her very hard work, something our culture really values. But I also realized there was something special about this woman and it wasn’t just putting her head down and getting the job done. Though it wasn’t talked about explicitly at her funeral I realized upon coming home that she had an extraordinary way of being soft and open to others.

Two pieces of art reached out to me in those first days of grief, an email from Richard Rohr (a great spiritual mind, and I’m sure I’m one of thousands on his email list) and this youtube video.

Watch this video and see how this couple talks to each other about divorce and now relate in a way that is open and soft. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsDiywh3tsE

Even in the brokenness there is beauty in this couple’s ability to listen to one another and talk about what they wish could have been different.

As you grieve, as you live life, as you try to figure out how to manage those hard days, consider this: be soft and open. Listen to those who are close to you and like my aunt Molly, make it your life work to organize around them and love them in any big or small way. I think your openness and dedication will lead to you to feeling a deep sense of love in your life.