Book Review: It's Momplicated
Title: It’s Momplicated
Authors: Debbie Alsdorf & Joan Edwards Kay, LMFT
Published : 2018
Pages : 262
ISBN : 978-1-4964-2657-4
I picked up “It’s Momplicated” because it sat on the shelf of my office. I recently started office sharing my space with a fellow LMFT named Mackenzie Sodestrom. She had read the book and liked it enough to make it among the top forty in her part of our mutual space to put all of our books to recommend for clients and for our own professional use. That must have meant that it was a great book! There’s a lot of self help books out there and many to choose from even within the field of adult children looking to improve their relationship with their parents. So I decided to read it.
The beginning of the book is an introduction to why the book was written and an explanation of six “momplications” which I will list below. These questions are followed by short assessments so that you can know which “momplications” are significant for you. They correspond to chapter headings in the first two parts of the book so you can identify how things went wrong in your relationship with your mom, learn things you may have missed as a child, and practice journaling and praying about your healing in these areas.
Was your mother present?
Did your mother keep you safe?
Did your mother teach and guide you?
Did your mother celebrate you as a unique individual?
Did your mother negatively shape your self image?
Do you struggle in your current relationship with your mother?
I read the book from beginning to end, so I didn’t skip ahead to the chapters about my greatest “momplications.” I recommend doing the same as you may find that there are parts of the book that you didn’t expect that you would need to read but they actually apply to you.
Each chapter includes the following elements in a structured but not overly rigid format: illustrations of painful experiences/dysfunctional patterns, instruction, scripture verse, questions for journaling and further exploration, prayer to God about this part of the healing process. I most enjoyed the instruction portion which focused on learning skills you may not have had in your family of origin. For example, the chapter about being celebrated as a unique individual was very interesting. I liked the portion on page 133 that said how a daughter can feel uniquely celebrated, receiving positive messages about her value and encouraged to find her own identity. I also liked the portion on page 134 that described a woman with a strong sense of self including “willing to end unhealthy relationship” and “appreciates and accepts her body as it is.” I am a mother, so it spoke to me both as being a good example as a woman and regarding how I want to support her as she blossoms into a woman.
I bought this book for myself and started a small group for women who wanted to work through the book, journal through the journey, and potentially pray (although not all of the participants are Christians). I imagine this book will be on my office bookshelves for years and a regular one that I recommend to clients.
The authors use personal stories in the book which I think helps make the book feel less academic and more personal. It did not seem overly disclosing and I was grateful to get an idea of what they meant when they were discussing an issue or illustrating how one can start working on healing that specific area.
If you are in counseling (or perhaps not in counseling but doing some reading on emotional wellness) and need material related to womanhood, adulthood, and faith, I would recommend this book. Per my usual recommendation for reading on the topic of adults who are seeking to heal wounds related to their childhood experiences, your parents do not have to be alive to read about this issue. Many clients say that they still need to do the work of healing childhood wounds even long after their parents are gone.
I have officially wrapped up my group, as of this Tuesday, that was meeting to discuss this book. If you are interested in other groups like this please let me know. If you would like to talk more about having healthy relationships with your parents or further process your childhood, please email me at emilychandlerlmft@gmail.com.
