Surviving the Holidays, Part 4: I Have Limits to my Energy and Time
The holidays can be busier than usual with family activities, traditions, gift buying, and musical performances. How fun and how exhausting it can be. It can be awe-inspiring and connecting but sometimes it can be too much. On top of all of those fun extra things, everyone still needs to do the normal things in life. This article is about how to balance your demands and care for yourself during the holiday season. They are based on this premise: I am human and I have limits to my energy and time.
Use my Dad’s Foolproof Tool to be on Time
When I was young my dad taught me a simple tool that I still use every week.
Step 1: If you have a place you want to go, first begin by figuring out when it starts (6 pm) and when you want to be there. For me, if it starts at 6 pm, I usually want to be there at about 6 pm or 6:05 pm. I feel better leaving early once I get worn out than coming late to something. Figure out what works for you.
Step 2: Figure out realistically the total amount of time that it will take you to get there. This is a trickier calculation than some people think. If you live in a big city like me, parking can take time and ingenuity. Perhaps traffic is a factor during certain times or days. The way I calculate this number goes like this (time it takes my kids/family to put on shoes and grab coats + time to load into the car/close gate to driveway + time to drive there + traffic + parking + walking to destination because sometimes in Oakland you have to park a few minutes away from the front door) = total time. We live in a super convenient area and on Google, it often says it takes 7-10 minutes to drive where we need to get. With my calculation above it usually amounts to 17-20 minutes or so on a typical day.
Step 3: Say that time out loud and have everyone agree ("we’re leaving at 5:30 pm to go to the holiday lights, sound good?”) especially to your partner.
Step 4: If you have little kids, set a timer for 5 minutes before. Even I need this! Sometimes as I end my workday and go to pick up the kids it is the most challenging time for me. So I have to set a timer and force myself to get up to do the essentials (go to the bathroom, drink a glass of water, pack my bag, etc) with that last five minutes.
This is the process my family uses to avoid being 10-15 minutes late for everything. I’ve found with family-friendly activities this is particularly helpful because we can often beat long lines, do what we want to do (ride Tilden carousel twice for example) and leave with a really reasonable time to go home and get to bed.
Time Management with a Healthy Eye Toward Your Self as a Priority
A part of holiday fun without feeling overwhelmed is being realistic about the time you do have. If you’re committed to baking for an event, you are hosting a dinner and you have a busy work schedule, you might need to get creative. Consider asking your friends to bring side dishes to the dinner or to find a way to hold the two events a week apart so that you don’t get behind with other responsibilities. Try writing out a weekly calendar in your journal, coloring in each of these categories first in their own colors: morning preparation (blue), work/school (green), commute times (red), cooking/mealtime/cleanup (yellow), sleep (black). Look at the time you have free remaining in the week and make sure to have a half to a full day (perhaps on Sunday) that is mostly unscheduled to do other things to keep you and your family afloat for the coming week (laundry, meal planning, grocery trip, errands, etc). We will color this orange and call it “prep.” With the remaining free space, try to only fill half of it with holiday activities whether that is a social time (i.e. attending or hosting a party, musical event, play, etc) or a time of preparation (baking for an event, decorating the house, etc). This will be a big challenge but my hope is that on a weekly basis you have at least 4 hours of time to yourself. That might mean sitting in your pajamas with your kids by the tree and watching TV and it might mean having an hour in bed four times a week to unwind and do something alone. However you spend your downtime, I think it will make those events that you do much more rich and enjoyable. It will force you to chose the things that you really want to do rather than just going to something because of obligation or because you don’t have anything going on at that time.
Love Yourself
If you do find yourself with four free hours per week do you know what you would do? Sometimes our culture is so work-focused that we even act like workaholics when it comes to pleasure. Learning to be with yourself can be hard. Many of my clients who end a serious relationship find that to be true and have to learn new skills like how to eat a meal alone at home with joy and contentment. Write a list today of 20 things you want to do with your downtime from now until January 10th. Here is a list that I like for myself that you can borrow from if you need some ideas:
listen to holiday music (or even better try to sing or play something),
stretch and breathe deeply,
drink cocoa and make a fire (or watch a fireplace video on your flatscreen if you don’t have one),
draw something beautiful from memory,
journal,
read a book you’ve been meaning to finish
go for a slow walk.
Try your best to do these activities without any devices or distractions. It will help them feel truly grounding and rejuvenating.
Be well, friends. I know the holidays can be a challenging and sometimes lonely time. You are loved.
